I’ve recently started going to physical therapy after my doctor heard the crack in my jaw when I open my mouth. My husband pointed out to me about a year ago that I was doing this. To be honest, I hadn’ t even noticed that I was doing it. I thought that it was probably a result of grinding my teeth in my sleep. I once tried a mouth guard to protect my teeth while sleeping but I usually woke up with it lost in the bed in a puddle of drool. I know “too much information!” But it wasn’t an effective deterrent. I told my dentist what was happening and he said that he could refer me to an oral surgeon and they could fix it but my mouth would be wired shut for about 6 weeks. Can you imagine me unable to speak for 6 weeks?!? So needless to say, I refrained from doing anything about it but it has gotten worse over the last year. I finally mentioned it to my primary care physician who I usually only see once a year.
Apparently, my jaw is out of alignment but it isn’t from my grinding but from the tension in my neck. After being evaluated by the physical therapist, she noticed that I couldn’t turn my head all the way on the right side. I explained that it had gradually gotten worse and I was used to it by now. She also pointed out that even though I had better movement on the left, that I also did not have a full range of motion on that side either. So now I am going to PT twice a week to try to regain the full range of motion in my neck. She has encouraged me to work out the tension that I carry in my shoulders and neck with the hope that my jaw will return to its proper place if the rest of my muscles are unclenched. I think this is why I love getting a good massage, because they work out all the tension that I am carrying in my body.
As I exercise (now every day) trying to recover, I keep thinking about if I had paid attention to my body and taken care of this a couple of years ago that I would not be in this painful position. It will also take much longer to get better because I didn’t take care of it. There are so many things in life where this is also true. When we have a misunderstanding with someone important to us, the longer we let it go leads to more heartache. When something happens that makes us angry but we don’t use our words to articulate our feelings, we tend to just get madder and madder. When we are in a job or role that we hate, we start to resent everything associated with it. When we think there might be something wrong with our body but we don't go to the doctor. Ignoring things never seems to make them better, they only get worse.
So here I am, confessing to something that I ignored for too long. Hoping that you will be smarter than me, I encourage you to step into that place that you have been avoiding. Do some self-care even if it is scary. Call that friend that you miss. Apologize to the love one. Listen to those who worry about you. Come back to church. Whatever it is that has been holding you back, release it to God and face it with the knowledge that you are not alone. And if you need someone to go with you, let me know. We will figure it out together.
I love you and God loves you,
